i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize