i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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