I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I want to fling myself into the sun
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
