I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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