your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
