I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
