Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
