I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize