3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have tasted many bathrooms
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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