Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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