I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
