shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
