So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
