Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
