Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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