Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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