If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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