I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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