it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
