If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
