The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize