I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
