would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
