Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
