Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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