We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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