can we get nightvision for the apartment?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
