I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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