imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
