i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
