i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize