A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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