nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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