I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
