Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
