I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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