genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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