I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Thanks for going with me today. Itās been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
Itās called āshopping for lingerieā and itās one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
