i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The dick lei will go down in squad history
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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