Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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