Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
