help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
