Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My day in three words: secret purse cake
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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