I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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