She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
