home. puking in laundry basket.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
