Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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