I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
