but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
