I'm going to jail i love you
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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