Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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