Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
