The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
