its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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