Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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