We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
