i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
