u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
