p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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