So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
