In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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