Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Apparently you make a good broom.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
His nipple licking is glorious
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