We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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