Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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