Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Floor bacon is actually really good
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need water and some morals
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
