bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
