i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I smell stomach acid.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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