I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
