the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
