New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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