I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize