So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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