Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
