Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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