So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
