So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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