you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I didn't notice because vodka
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
