I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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