i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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