How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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