Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
