Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize