Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
