The best revenge is premature balding
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she pinky promised me she was 18
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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