It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
