I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
