I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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