I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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