Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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