Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
