How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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