My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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