I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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