nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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